Every moment of friction in our lives is an invitation to understand ourselves more deeply. Sometimes when we hit a particularly sticky spot my 1-1 clients want to pull away from coaching or self work. They want to dive back into old habits and patterns. I am sure before this age and this level of experience in coaching I would have taken this personally. Now though I can see how effective coaching really is when we hit these tough spots. I am standing with women on the absolute edges of their lives. I am holding hands with them as we really look into the depths of their situation and pull all the pieces out on the table. We get really honest about what they want, which is hard. It’s brave to want things in this post-pandemic, hyper polarized world.  When we look at how each day, each habit plays out in a direction away from what they want then we have the ‘it’. Sometimes it takes a minute to get ready to sit in that space. The space where you look at how your life isn’t lined up with what you desire. Everything can get momentarily messy. Can you see my respect for my clients in these moments? I offer space and we often pick up in a couple of weeks when they are ready to be in the room again. Often we meet a lot once a woman is ready. It is so damn fun to watch a woman collect all the things she wants. It’s pretty easy once you get past that messy, sticky spot I call the ‘slip’. A messy, watery space of feeling like you are going backward and don’t feel ready for anything. 

I am not always ready to deal with my own desires either. I have had to deeply sort through what I want in a male partner post divorce. In a way that even as a relationship coach feels messy to me. I could write quite the book on my post-divorce love life. The evolution to being able to truly receive nurturing and investment is the largest part of my story with men. I have created support in my life so that my own coaches and friends hold me to the fire of my desires professionally and personally. I have struggled to hear the truth of my core needs reflected back to me in a powerful question when I wanted so hard to settle for something that would never make me happy. I still have to actively practice my ability to feel disappointed or turned off which are the early cues that save women from giving a year to a guy or a job that didn’t have it. I can give space to others because I offer it to myself. The slip is part of growth. 

This is my coaching invitation. When someone in your life that has earned investment pushes you away do you have the capacity to just hold space for them? Not chase. Not fix. Not pull away. Not confront them in a way that will mean the relationship can’t come back from their tough moment. Just create space for them to feel uncomfortable? This is a really critical skill when bringing a man into your life. Often men have a real crumbling of everything: their health, their work, their habits right before a huge evolution. When a man is constantly in this space it is usually best to just end the relationship and let him go his own way. His entire life might be in “the slip” in one way or another. But the best, most solid people in your life will have these moments. Moments when they just can not be where you are. Can you stand in your own energy when someone you love is in what I call the slip? This skill will define your ability to connect long term as a partner, mother, and a best friend. 

Is someone in your life currently in a ‘slip’ where it feels like everything is sand for them for a moment? How can you hold space without being the savior or the judge? Can you hold space for things to just feel really uncomfortable? Can you hold the vision for the connection for a moment? Are you in a slip? Is there anyone important in your life you have pulled away from because they represent your higher path? Are you at your edge looking at the difference between the habits and direction of your life and how it has absolutely nothing to do with what you really desire? Who is the magical person standing in front of the new path with the lantern held up for you? 

It is a very, very rare quality to be able to hold space for someone else. Make sure you honor anyone that can do that for you and let them know how powerful they are in your life.